The dental hygienist fixed her accusing stare on me after a not-so-stellar appointment. “You should floss more,” she leveled. “What are you doing to clean your teeth daily besides brushing?” “Um …” I groped for something. Anything. “Well, I use the doggie biscuit technique; I constantly chew on extra crunchy chocolate chip cookies.” Okay. She was right. I really should floss more.
But sometimes should is a dangerous word. It’s a stress-filled, pressure-packed slave driver. It ruthlessly inflates the bulk of a woman’s to-do list, often crowding out healthy sanity-essentials with guilt-induced clutter. Tackling the shoulds will help bring balance to our days and leave us more fulfilled.
What Are the Shoulds?
I should go to that meeting; they really need my help. I should cook a big dinner every night like my mother did. I should clean my house so the kids won’t keep finger-writing notes in the dust.
Our shoulds may be fueled by self-comparisons with friends and neighbors, subtle cultural messages, high expectations imposed on us by social media, church, civic, or family members, or maybe even unrealistic regulations we’ve self-inflicted to become a perfect mother. As if that fairy-tale creature really exists. Seems there’s always something more we should be doing.
But as every woman struggling to squeeze into last year’s skinny jeans knows, more isn’t always better; sometimes it’s simply overwhelming. You know what, sister-mom? We can be whelmed without being overwhelmed. Whelmed is livable; overwhelmed is strangling.
Tackling the Shoulds
So how do we shush that should guilt threatening to overwhelm us? Here are four suggestions that truly work:
1. Be stress-smart. When you’re slammed into a stress mess at home with your kiddos, sit yourself down with a calming cup of your fave hot beverage. I’m talking five mere minutes here, not five hours. You can afford it. Close your eyes. Tune in to Papa God’s loving presence … His heartbeat … His peace. “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul” (Psalm 94:19 NIV). Slap guilt to the curb when the tyranny of the urgent attacks; you are important. Everything else can wait a few minutes. I promise you the world will not end while you regroup. Unless the kids start a fire in your panty drawer.
Slap guilt to the curb when the tyranny of the urgent attacks; you are important. Everything else can wait a few minutes.
2. Avoid BOOP (Boiling Oatmeal Overflow Phenomenon). BOOP is one of my Coty Near-Facts of Science (theories not 
yet proven by actual scientific studies but nevertheless known by women to be true). I postulate that women are like pots of oatmeal; at the beginning of the day we simmer – little manageable bubbles of stress rise to the surface and harmlessly pop.
But as the day progresses, the heat escalates and the oatmeal boils higher and wilder and meaner until it overflows and spoils everything around it with a nasty, ugly, sticky mess. The key to avoiding BOOP is knowing when to remove the pot from the heat (which ties in beautifully with the first bullet above!). And speaking of burners …
3. Promote yourself off the back burner. Don’t argue girl, just do it. You may sacrificially place yourself there routinely, but your Creator doesn’t. You’re a front-burner person to Him. He wants you to enjoy this marvelous gift of life He’s given you, not sludge through it. So it’s time to add a little fun to your day.
Write yourself into your schedule for an hour of something you really enjoy a minimum of twice a week. Walk in the sunshine, bike a woodsy trail, sing opera, join a roller derby team, boogie your bad self down, get your nails done – whatever tingles your toes. Put the beautiful smile back on your face. Your fam will be ever so grateful.
4. Be a dipstick. The Lord puts only enough fuel in your daily tank for you to arrive safely at the destination He’s routed out for you. All the detours you add will either run you out of gas or land you in a ditch. Check your tank, review your destination, and then mindfully engage in the 3 Ps; Prioritize, Plan, and Pace yourself.
Achk, I know. So many things we must do. A few things we want to do. And countless things we should do. We just have to recognize that we have the power to choose which shoulds are potential coulds … and then unapologetically embrace the woman our choices make us.
“I will strengthen you, surely I will help you.” ~Isaiah 41:10 NASB
*Adapted from Debora’s newest book, Too Blessed to be Stressed for Moms. Used with permission from Barbour Publishing.
