Support for the Working Mom: It Takes a Village but Where’s Mine?

I wish I could come across as a strong, fearless, do it all mom who is able to do all things, all the time.  I wish that I could make copies of myself to be in all places for my daughters all the time.  I dream of being the mom who easily handles work travel, book reports, after-school activities and a social life with ease.  I wish I could do it all alone.  But I can’t.

When I began the journey to obtain my Doctorate degree, I called myself crazy! How in the world would I do it while working full time and raising two girls on my own?  I was in a city with no family and two daughters under the age of 5. I learned, through that experience, that I needed help.

I realized that priding myself on my ability to do it all  on my own, caused me to have a lack of support.

I enrolled my oldest daughter in a cheerleading camp. The camp led to her becoming a competitive cheerleader. While I was at the camp, I met a lady who floated so effortlessly, I thought she owned the place. Anyway, without me asking, she began to invade my space-but in a good way.  All of a sudden, she was helping me with drop off, pickup, and giving me time to write while she watched my other daughter. She gave me encouraging words, a smile and even listened to me go on and on about boring dissertation topics.

Simultaneously, I got connected with a mom from my youngest daughter’s daycare.  Her middle name has to be helpful.  She never waited for me to ask. She would just offer. I had gone from a lack of support to my own mini village. But if you are like me, creating a village is not as easy as it sounds. Here’s what I learned.

Humble yourself

We carry our ability to roll solo like a badge of honor.  We refuse to ask for help from anyone. After all, there is some trophy for the mom who can do it all one, right? Wrong! All we end up with, when we do not humble ourselves and ask for help is overstressed, tired and snappy. It takes a lot to say I need help.  But what you will realize, when you request help, is that there are many other moms who need help too.

To get a village, be a village

I am a very private person. I quietly raise my daughters with no interference. After I decided that it was okay to ask for help, not surprisingly, moms asked me to help too.  I had to be open to assist with pickup, drop off and sleepovers, too. It actually made me feel valued.  These moms would go above and beyond for me and I could reciprocate when they needed it as well.

Utilizing your village does not make you a bad mom

I travel for work.  On one trip, as I boarded my plane, my oldest daughter calls hysterical because she was having stomach pain.  I wasn’t sure what was going on so I deployed my village.  I had one mom headed to the store to buy pain meds and take them to the school, while another mom took over on the phone to calm my daughter as my plane took off.

For a brief moment, I felt like a bad mom.  My daughter needed me and I could not be there. But then I had an epiphany.  My daughter was in the hands of two women I trusted with everything inside of me. When I landed, one mom texted me a play by play while the other mom sent me a selfie shot of her and my smiling daughter when she arrived at the school.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” – Proverbs 27:17

Your village is right there. Open your kimono and let them in. Be willing to build relationships that will forge into the support system that you need. Surrounding yourself with other moms who understand what you are dealing with and can support you through the things that only a mom can understand, will strengthen you as a mom. In addition, not only will you build support, but you will also gain valuable friendships that will last a lifetime.