You just got a diagnosis for your child. They have ADHD (attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder). What do you do now? First and foremost, gain an understanding of the disorder. Understand that it is a part of them. In addition, understand that it is only a small sum of what makes them who they are.
If you understand ADHD, you will gain a better understanding of your child. You will begin to understand their strengths and weaknesses, and you will begin to answer the “why” questions. Why do they have such difficulty concentrating in school? Why do they forget to tell me about papers from school I need to sign? Perhaps receiving a diagnosis is the first thing that can begin to paint a clear picture for you and give you a sense of how this will affect your family.
Inside the child who doesn’t seem to listen, forgets assignments, doesn’t settle down, and throws seemingly meaningless tantrums, is a child who NEEDS YOU. Just like any other child, they need your attention and your care. Inside the hyperactive child, is a child in need of reassurance and stability. Most of all, they need your love. Beyond your loving care, here are four things that they need you to provide them.
1. Connection
Begin to find things that connect you to them, and them with you. If they like sports, teach them a sport that you know well. If they hold a passion in art, find an art hobby or project to do together. These things will strengthen your bond and build the bridge that is sometimes needed in children with psychiatric disorders and their parents.
2. Limited screen time
Watching TV can be a nice way to relax after a long day, but too much screen time can inhibit cognitive growth. Victoria Prooday explains that, “After hours of virtual reality, processing information in a classroom becomes increasingly challenging for our kids because their brains are getting used to the high levels of stimulation that video games provide.”
What you can do instead:
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- Play outside with them. Have them pick out a fun yard game from the store. Encourage them to come up with creative obstacle courses. Have a scavenger hunt. Whatever it is, be sure to have fun doing it!
- Teach them board games. If they are old enough, you could have them make their own board games. This is a great opportunity to allow them to use their creativity and imagination. If you don’t have a board game or you’re not sure what they are interested in, grab a deck of cards and teach them a card game.
- Have them help you cook (or bake)! Not only can this be fun and create a stronger bond between you and your child, but it also teaches math skills. Double the recipe and encourage them to share with the neighbors.
3. Advocacy
If you sense that a medication is affecting them negatively, don’t be afraid to speak up at your next psychiatric appointment. If you feel that their teacher is grading unfairly, schedule a meeting and put forth the effort to work with them as a team. Inside your own home, support your child by getting on the same page as your husband when it comes to discipline.
Support your child by helping their siblings understand his or her struggles. Always validate and accept their feelings, so as not to mask those tough feelings that may stem from having ADHD.
Keep in mind that negative feelings and low confidence might look like misbehavior.
4. Independence
Children with ADHD don’t want to feel reliant on someone, especially as they grow older. The
problem with this is that as a disorder that effects cognitive function, ADHD can produce disorganization and forgetfulness tendencies. So, what do you do? Encourage independence from a young age. Help them find ways to stay organized when they are young and encourage them to use these strategies on their own. A few examples of things they can do are:
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- Teach them to use a planner. Equip them with highlighters, colored pens, pencils, and stickers. This helps them to create a visual organization system, which often is something children with ADHD need.
- Take them shopping to find folders, binders, organizing tubs, baskets, and anything else that will help them stay organized. If they help pick it out, they are more likely to use it.
- Open up communication with them and discuss what they struggle with most. Help them to be proactive by making a plan before an issue creates further chaos. For example, if they are forgetting to do their science homework, designate one color for that subject and use the planner to highlight science in that color, as well as write in pen in that color, and so on. This will help reassure them that though they may have missed one or two assignments, they can now use that system to excel in that class and develop more confidence.
Raising a child with any psychiatric disorder can be a challenge, but with the right tools, it can provide you with a new perspective and openness to creating change. Whenever you face a roadblock, never be afraid to ask for help. More likely than not, there are other parents nearby that have the same questions and the same obstacles. Beyond connecting with your child and allowing the freedom for independence, the thing children need the most is to know they are loved beyond all measure. Sometimes, as the parent, you may need to step down and take breaks in order to give all that you have, so that you don’t lose yourself in the process.
