Dating as a single mother can be a very daunting, yet exciting, experience. Not only are you hoping to find a great partner for you, but a loving and understanding parental figure for your child. It can seem especially daunting for a working mother. I am a single mother and decided I was ready to “get back out there” a couple of months ago. I found myself with many questions, but some of the biggest are: Where do I meet someone? When will I find the time between working and parenting? After doing some reflection, prayer and research, here’s what I came up with:
Am I “Date” Worthy?
Of course you are! You have so many qualities that any man would value, and having children does not make you any less worthy. If you feel uncomfortable with body changes post-baby or are unhappy with something about yourself, those are things that you can work on, but there are body shapers and concealers in the meantime! Love yourself just as you are and self-evaluate your reasons for wanting to date. Make sure that you are mentally ready! You also need to be honest…your schedule is not as open, but that doesn’t make you any less appealing.
As a single, working mom your time is limited and that is something you will have to make clear during the dating process. Let your date know that while you are excited about a romantic relationship, your child is your first priority. Any good man would respect and appreciate a woman who values her position and role as a mom.
Where Do I Find a Date?
I rarely find myself with free time between work and regular parenting and household tasks. Being a mother has also made me appreciate close-knit, quiet evenings with friends when I do have free time, or kid free evenings. Neither of these components make it easy to meet new people. I did some soul searching and realized that I need to become a part of a community again. It is important to go out and make connections, whether or not they are romantic. If you go to a traditional, physical church, look into what groups they may offer, volunteer to serve or even socialize during fellowship before or after services. Church is an amazing place to meet like-minded people with similar values. (I have started attending a new church and they even have a group for single mom’s every week!)
Another resource for meeting new people is online dating. I was hesitant to do this, but it is honestly one of the most convenient forms of dating for my busy lifestyle. I have recently created an account on the Bumble app. I really appreciate this app over other dating apps as it is geared towards women. Much like other dating apps, a random selection of men are presented and I choose whether to tap the check mark/swipe right (yes) or x symbol/swipe left (no). The men will only see that I have swiped right if they were also interested and we match.
Men are also not able to contact the women until the woman messages them first. I really appreciate this factor because I am very concerned with the safety of myself and my child. Bumble offers other safety measures such as “verifying” pictures and offering a chat tool so all interactions can be done through the app rather than exchanging personal contact information until both parties are ready. Although online dating can be a really fun way to get to know people and possibly find a partner, I also take precautions. I have chosen not to link my other social media profiles to my Bumble profile so members can only see my first name and not find further information about me unless I want them to have it. I also do not post pictures of or with my child or share my specific location. I give a general area of the next largest city near me.
There are tons of dating apps, but you can also meet people in Facebook groups. Again, make sure that any online activity is safe and that you chat with the person for a while before meeting in person. No matter your choice in app, make sure that your first meeting location is a public space with lots of people (a coffee date is always a good option).
When Will I Have Time to Date?
As a mother I have found that my time is more precious than anything else. As a result, I am very particular about who or what I spend my time on or with. This is another great aspect of online dating, I can use the app here and there whenever I have time, even on a break at work. I can still “date” while taking care of my normal, everyday life. I have not started going on official dates yet, but I am still very selective about who I spend my time talking to. I have created a list of values and expectations that are mandatory in my future partner and have resolved not to compromise on the items that are most important to me. For example, I am looking for a fellow Christian partner who will be accepting of my daughter. If someone does not meet those requirements then I do not need to continue spending time communicating with them.
I am fortunate to have an amazing support system of family and friends that are willing to provide childcare when I am in need. Even so, I find that I don’t ask for help as often as I typically should because I feel bad for whatever reason. I have learned that I need to let that go and realize that I am not being a burden by asking for help with babysitting. The people in my support system love to spend time with my daughter and if they are not available they will tell me that they can’t watch her. Don’t be afraid to lean on friends and family as you start this new journey!
Of course you can always look to local colleges for sitters or national services like Care.com. Make sure that you are comfortable with whatever sitter service you choose because the last thing you want is to be on a date and be worried about your children.
What About My Children?
With young children you don’t have to go into the particulars of your dating life and even with teens you want to be discreet. Maybe explain that you are meeting a new friend, but avoid giving too much information when the relationship is not serious. To that end, wait until the relationship is solid before introducing the new guy to your children.
Although dating as a working mother may seem daunting, don’t forget to have fun! You work hard at your job and even harder as a mother and you deserve to find happiness in a romantic relationship. Just make sure to set personal guidelines and boundaries and don’t be afraid to stick to them. Determine what method of dating works best for you and do whatever you are most comfortable with. As long as you are comfortable and feel safe, there is not one set way to date, so get out there and happy dating!
Great article!! This is really good information and so helpful!