Dear Husband,
Every day you ask me how was my day and I appreciate the question. It shows that you genuinely care about my experiences, but the words always escape me. My day was hard, every day is hard. EVERY DAY IS HARD!!!
Let’s see, I’m up at 5:30am just to get 30 minutes of quiet time, but all while packing lunches and checking book bags. I’ve got the kids up, fed and out the door by 6:45, drop them off at school and then it’s off to work for me. I spend my day in meetings, spend my lunch breaks barely eating because I’m on the phone with someone’s teacher or coach or scheduling a doctors appointment. There’s traffic to pick them up and traffic to get home. Then I get home, help with homework, cook dinner, put a load in the washing machine and then you ask the same annoying question every day—how was my day?
Oh boy, don’t let me get a work from home day—you think I’m just shooting the breeze. Yet, what you don’t see is me trying to juggle being a mom and work all at the same time. I’m loading the dryer and on a conference call. I’m changing diapers in between dishes and work duties. You just don’t get it! There is no breeze. I can’t breathe!
Sometimes I just want to check out, you know like you do when you get home and somehow always have to sit on the toilet for an hour, or when the game comes on and you get three or four hours to just enjoy life.
My body aches, my nights are restless thanks to random colds and bad dreams and I’m hungry all day because I have to eat like a Marine just to get some sort of sustenance.
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I will admit this post comes from a place of feeling forgotten and overlooked. It comes from a place of feeling undervalued at work and at home, making accommodations for everyone else and rarely being accommodated. Daily I’m left with no space, no time and no energy to accommodate myself.
I could rant on and on but I don’t want to give off the impression that I am ungrateful. I am grateful for you and our children, but I could use a little help. I could use a break. I could use a night or two off the job. I could use a “thank you for all you do.”
Can you take a moment to just see me? Can you see all that I do? See the folded clothes, see the hot meals, see the happy children, see me juggling it all and simply say…”thank you, you are appreciated”— and then grab the broom and check homework and lay out clothes for tomorrow.
XOXOXO,
Your Tired, Exhausted, Hungry, Loving Wife
Prayer: Lord, help me to be patient as you open my husband’s eyes to “seeing” me and recognizing how hard it is for me on a daily basis. I pray that you give him the desire to step up and step in, taking on household chores and being present with our children. I also pray Lord for resources to hire help if needed so that the burden of the home does not rest entirely on me. I pray for more flexibility at work so that the juggle is not so challenging. I thank you that you hear my prayer and for the changes that will come to our home. In Jesus name, Amen
I can relate. Oh boy, I can relate. My advice for working moms is to ask for help. I’m 43 now and I have six kids. I’ve worked a full-time job all while raising kids and getting my college degrees. I’ve been stressed and exhausted and as I type this I too am tired and run down from a day full of meetings. I just rushed into the house to try and ‘breathe’ before rushing out the door to get my child from school. So, I asked. Will you go and get our son and his friends from school. I just need a break. And, he did. I think this is all too common. We try to do it all ourselves, but we don’t have to. Just ask for help. Then, take a deep breath.
So if a man works, fixes kids lunches, picks them up then helps with homework do we see them? My husband did those things and we flipped schedules so he was with the kids in the am and I in the pm. Maybe, split the household task or delegate.
This letter really identifies with so many moms! The silent load we carry, and trying to do it all can sometimes leave us feeling so completely depleted! Men have to realize the roles of society have drastically changed and with the additional work load mothers are carrying, and a little help with household chores goes a long way! Our sanity is more important than the laundry-
This letter really speaks to all moms! There’s this stigma even in the eyes of our spouses that we are superwoman and we’re not! We need help to stay spiritually, mentally, and physically healthy. Let’s keep talking to and praying for consistent help from our husbands.
Finding and maintaining balance as a mom and wife with all the responsibilities and hats that we wear as women are very challenging, to say the least. There is not a simple or one size fit all answer. Praying for me was definitely the number one thing to do because I wanted the Lord, who knows me and my situation, to give me the best solution. I had to check myself to make sure that I was prioritizing and not climbing someone else’s mountains, as well as choosing my battles when it came to daily activities and what others asked of me. I learned to ask for help when and where I needed from my husband and when he could he was willing. I became aware that he did not always know when I needed help because I always seemed to be handling things, as well as, the fact that he was dealing with his own stuff daily. I did share simple ways that he could help me and vice versa. We learned to tag-team so that we could raise a happy and healthy family with everyone intact. We also had to both verbalize the reality that maintaining a positive healthy marital relationship and rearing healthy children is clearly the most valuable thing and the hardest thing that we would ever do together. There were still hard days, but communicating positively and consistently with each other regarding our needs was priceless and has served us well. Communication for us as women, when it comes to getting our needs met is huge. Blessings.
I found that I was always in the same situation when I wanted my husband to just notice and he never seemed to do so. I work full-time, am a doctoral student, and have a special needs child at home. I would often wonder why he did not see all that I do. Then I realized that I do not completely understand all he does either. It took having an open conversation and truly discussing how each of us were feeling to bring that change and for us to divide our responsibilities. I can not say it is perfect, but it is much better. Truth is that they will likely never just notice it one day, just I like I never just noticed how demanding my husband’s job really is. Open conversation was key for us.