Wait a minute, a widowed mom? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten a blank stare once I’ve explained to someone I was widowed at 33 years old. My husband was hit by a driver who made a left-hand turn in front of his motorcycle, only 13 minutes away from our home. My husband left behind, our son, his son from a previous relationship, our daughter, and myself. I was left to raise our two children on my own.
According to researchers, the death of a spouse is number one on the list of stressful events in one’s life. Similarly, the highest stressful event for non-adults is the death of a parent. Believe me, I can attest that my husband’s death has rocked our family in unimaginable ways, causing a significant amount of stress for everyone. Needless to say, my household has undergone quite a readjustment in the past three years and the changes have not been easy. One thing we continue to struggle with is finding the balance between life, death, grief, and happiness. Co-parenting is not an option in the household with one parent. I’m the person to handle all the familial affairs and responsibilities.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 states, “There is a time for every event under heaven.” Yes, you read that correctly, every event. Every meeting, teacher’s conference, doctor’s appointment, or milestone. Every good experience, every bad experience, and event in your life no matter its level of importance has its place. Each experience is necessary for your growth and development. And every circumstance is used to draw you closer to the Lord.
Trying to Find Balance
Believe me, if I could go on a getaway every weekend, I would probably be a lot more productive. However, I’m a single parent. I don’t have the time, money, or resources to get massages or to travel as I would like. There’s no babysitter to watch my children on the weekends so I can catch dinner with a friend. I can’t expect other family members to sacrifice more time to watch my kids because they already help me while I work. So, I must find the beauty in simple, everyday experiences.
Sometimes, it’s hard to reconcile all the tasks a widowed mother (and every mother) has to accomplish during their day. No matter how God utilizes the time in your life, it can be quite exhausting. There’s only so much time to nourish one’s soul particularly if limited or no help is available. So what do you do when there’s no one but you? How do you find time for you? How do you nourish your soul?
Here are some tips I’ve learned from my own circumstances.
Time Before Work
Sometimes, I wake up at 5 am to do a workout with my soon-to-be Marine son just to be physically active. On other days, I take 15 minutes before work to grab a coffee, sit outside at a table and watch the cars go by after a 2.5-hour commute.
An Evening Walk
There are times I put my cranky baby in a stroller and catch the sunset on an evening walk. It’s fresh air for me and the baby.
After Bedtime
I take time after the kids go bed just to observe the quiet. Spending time with God, reading a good book, or taking a warm bubble bath are all options.
There are peaceful moments to enjoy. You just have to search a little harder for it, but I promise they’re there.
Keeping the Faith
One of the largest components of keeping balance within one’s life is maintaining and nourishing your faith in God and His works, especially after a tragic or traumatic event. However, it’s in these adverse moments that faith in God is even more important.
I often search for a weekly sermons on YouTube and blast it over Bluetooth during that same commute just to hear the Word because I can’t find the time to read the Bible. My sermons of choice are by Pastor Steven Furtick’s. Sometimes, my prayers are just two-word utterances to the likeness of “help me.”
God is found in every crack and crevice in your life, if you make room for Him.
Even if it’s in the three minutes of praise and worship you give while driving to the store to figure out dinner. God knows your struggles and He doesn’t only show up while you’re away on a week-long spiritual retreat. He’s in our lives every minute of every day.
You know mamas, the Bible says in Mark 6:31, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” He knows you have to rest, and he will provide the quiet, no matter what the days ahead look like. You can count on Him to restore you, just don’t overlook the little breaks throughout the day. He has called you to raise these babies, no matter the circumstance. He will not leave you alone during this season of your life. Rest is on its way. One day work will ease up. One day the kids will grow. Stay faithful and encouraged. You’re not alone.
*Losing a husband is a traumatic experience. Consider reaching out to your church or a therapist for grief counseling. It will be beneficial for both you and your children. Search for a grief support group here. Hope For Widows is an organization that offers resources and support as well.
Great article, Lenee. Thank you for sharing what others can’t. I’m proud of you. ❤️