It is possible to be a mom, work and not only go to school, but finish a degree. Every year we highlight awesome moms that have focused, overcome every obstacle, and made it to the end of their academic programs. This year we are highlighting doctoral moms. They are recent Ph.D. and Ed.D. grads. In this article, they candidly share how they managed school, work and motherhood, and offer advice to other moms considering the pursuit of higher education.
Dr. Kristin J. Morris
Kristin Morris, Ed.D. is a performance improvement professional who has over ten years of curriculum development, facilitation, and teaching experience. She completed her doctorate in education with distinction.
“Understanding and knowing your “Why” is critical to your journey. When school gets tough, remembering your “why” is so important- it often helps get through those tough moments in your academic journey.
In addition to knowing your “why”, I found it advantageous to share my academic goals with my manager and co-workers as they provided additional support throughout my doctoral journey. If appropriate, I would encourage you to do so as well. If you have a major paper due for school and a project deadline approaching, it is possible that deadlines could be extended at work to help you balance as much as possible your home and work life.
Before I began classes, my husband, three children and I sat down to discuss the potential changes to our household. I asked that they all pitch in to make to keep the house clean, help with the dishes, and cooking. I even asked our four-year-old (she is now 7) to assist and she did. Remember mommies, our babies are capable of so much, including assisting with dish washing! It is imperative that we relinquish control and TRUST that everyone will do their part! If you do not have a spouse to lean on, consider other persons in your network like your parent(s), sisters, brothers, and/or close family friends to lend a hand when you need it. Do not refuse the help (trust me, I know how difficult it can be to accept assistance).”
Dr. Tabia Pope
Tabia Pope, Ph.D., is a speech pathologist. She is also the Founder of Bia Communications, a company she created to assist clients in image development, building their brands, as well as communication skills. Pope received a Ph.D. in communications sciences and disorders.
“My son grew inside my belly as I was assisting with teaching two classes, working part-time as an SLP in a rehabilitation center, and received approval for my dissertation proposal from the Institutional Review Board (IRB). He made his way into my arms, as I became a doctoral candidate! I balanced spending time with him as I recruited participants and collected data. I watched him grow from an infant to a toddler as I balanced working and writing the final chapters of my dissertation.
It is important to have a clear understanding of the expectations of the program you choose, as well as the sacrifices that are required of you and your family to pursue higher education at that institution. Graduate school requires intensive studying during the week and on the weekends. Doctoral classes are usually later in the evening to accommodate working adults or practicums required to complete the program. Later classes may mean sacrificing spending quality time with your spouse or bounding with your kids at bedtime. Therefore, it is important to consider the ever-changing roles and responsibilities of family members, as well as establish schedules for studying and family-oriented activities.
I highly recommend budgeting for self-care, which may include massage therapy or other healthy outlets that release stress and tension. Maintaining healthy habits prevents long-term illnesses and conditions that stem from eating fast foods or around the clock studying sessions. Finally, accountability partners in the areas of spiritual, mental and physical well-being are an essential component to successfully achieving your educational pursuits.”
Dr. Marsha L. Rutledge
Marsha Rutledge, Ph.D. is an instructor at Longwood University, molding and training future school counselors. She is a former School Counselor with over eighteen years in the public school system. Rutledge completed a Doctorate of Philosophy in Counselor Education and Supervision.
“Balancing school, work, and motherhood was certainly challenging at times. Actually, I think the idea of balance is misleading. I’m not sure that you ever balance the three. I think of this doctoral journey as a juggling act, and as you progress through the program, you just hope that you can keep all of the balls (work, school, and life) in the air. Balance during doctoral work means that immediate attention is given to the immediate need and everything else becomes secondary. For example, when it’s time to go to work, the primary focus is work. When it is time to sit down and write, the primary focus is writing. When it is family time, the primary focus is family. Each is balanced in that each receive their due attention, but not necessarily at the same time. My advice to those who are contemplating doctoral work is to make sure that you are dedicated to the pursuit. It is not an easy journey and often requires great inner reflection and self-motivation. As I think back on my journey, I would like to offer the following advice to those who are embarking on the path towards doctoral work.
- If you believe in prayer, prayer works. There were many times where I had to rely on my spiritual upbringing to see me through the difficult times.
- Find a support group. A great network that can offer comfort and support in times of need is invaluable.
- Good enough is sometimes your best. As a wife, mother, FT employee, and student there were times when exhaustion set in and perfection was not an option. In fact perfectionism can sometimes stifle progress.
- Ignore the idea of balance. Focus on the immediate need which leads to #5.
- Let things go. Mistakes happen, setbacks will come. Learn from those experiences and keep it moving.
- It is okay to ask for help. We often go through periods of imposter syndrome. Connect with as many professors, educators, and leaders in the field as possible. They are more than willing to offer their support.
- Crying is a normal response. Everyone will experience it at some point in the process.
- Kids are more resilient than we think. We often worry about whether we are taking too much time away from our kids, or are we being a bad mother when dinner isn’t ready at 6:00 or we miss that soccer game. I have found that my children were very understanding and it meant the world to me when they expressed how proud they were of me.
- Last, but not least when all else fails, revert back to #1.
Although this may be a scary process and may not be the path for everyone, it is totally doable. I can say with certainty that the reward is worth it in the end. Stay focused and keep pushing. To all of those doctoral mama’s out there….you got this!! If I can do it, you certainly can.”
It is our hope that these stories inspire you as you consider returning to school. Being a Ph.D. or Ed.D. mom is possible! Hats off to these inspiring moms! The doctoral process is not an easy one; to finish strong as a working mom is to be celebrated!
