Motherhood so often gets glamorized, by every culture, every society, every family… to every mother’s dismay. The glamorization of motherhood puts pressure on mothers, especially new mothers. Pressure to enjoy every minute. Pressure to be happy every second of every day. Pressure to do all that a culture says a mother “should” do. But what happens when a you fall short of these expectations? What happens when a mother finds herself anything less than happy and joyful, feeling overwhelmed by all that motherhood brings?
All-too-often new mamas feel as though they need to hide any negative feelings toward parenthood. Realistically, no mother will fit into the cookie-cutter version of the “perfect” parent. But when mothers everywhere feel the pressure to be perfect, they start to hide their imperfections and lose the community that could be found in imperfect motherhood. This pressure, alongside a lack of community and high expectations for a mother, may result in depression, or, on a less severe level, the postpartum blues.
What is Postpartum Depression?
Postpartum depression is a discrete diagnosis that gets recognized as an onset of mood symptoms shortly after (up to 4 weeks) or shortly before giving birth. With depression, often comes guilt for not being ecstatic over the blessings of motherhood. In fact, it is possible to appreciate the blessings of motherhood without loving it all the time. And it’s okay not to love it all the time. What most mothers don’t know, is that the occurrence of postpartum depression is very common, with a prevalence of 6.5-12.9%. In fact, many celebrity moms, like Serena Williams, share their stories of overcoming PPD. Comedian Angelina Spicer is a maternal mental health advocate who shares her experience with PPD to bring awareness to the struggles new mothers face.
One in nine women are affected by postpartum depression, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
According to the Nat’l Institute of Mental Health, the baby blues, which consist of feelings of fatigue and sadness, touch around 80 percent of new mothers. Rather than turning to family and friends, mothers more often will look inward and wallow in the guilt that overwhelms them day and night. They punish themselves for lacking positive moods around their newborn. In reality, several other mothers are going through the same downhill battles. Experiencing a wide range of emotions after giving birth is perfectly normal. Mothers who had a difficult birth, had a miscarriage or stillbirth, have a history of mental illness, or who have a high-needs baby are particularly susceptible to the baby blues, or postpartum depression. Nevertheless, any mother can get it and these factors will not determine who experiences PPD and who doesn’t.
It’s Okay to Seek Help
Despite the normality and common rate of having postpartum blues of some kind (including depression), it is still imperative to seek help, for the baby, but more importantly, for you. Others may recognize the mood swings or the low feelings of inadequacy, but the only person who experiences it, and thus knows the deep struggle it brings, is you. So, get help. Talk to a friend. See a therapist. Talk to your spouse about having more time to yourself. Whatever it is, make sure you are taking care of yourself as you juggle the challenges new motherhood brings. Remind yourself that no one could possibly be a better mother to your little one than you. Repeat that to yourself a few times. Now repeat it one more time.
The Symptoms
According to the article “10 Silent Signs you Could Have Postpartum Depression“, you could find yourself in this hole if you:
- feel anxious,
- feel irritable,
- have a change of appetite,
- have a hard time making decisions,
- can’t sleep,
- doubt that you can be a good mom,
- worry about harming your baby,
- feel disconnected from your baby,
- withdraw from friends or family, and/or
- you cry frequently.
Many people with PPD worry that they will harm their baby, but never do. Infanticide, the act of killing one’s own 
child, occurs at a rate of less than 4% and mainly by mothers who are experiencing postpartum psychosis . Regardless, those with postpartum depression are likely to worry that they will harm their child in some way because of the irritability and rage that they display. They may feel out of control. They may feel helpless, even hopeless. But oftentimes, infanticide, or other forms of harming one’s own child, does not occur.
Getting Help
Depending on how severe your symptoms are, you may want to either talk to friends, a spouse and/or a respected elder, as well as build your social circle to establish your community… or, if your symptoms are severe, then it may be best to find a professional to help you sort out your conflicting thoughts and feelings toward parenthood.
You can find a few resources below:
- Click here to search for a therapist in your area.
- Click here to access a hotline number in the case of suicidal thoughts.
- Use the links below to find support groups in your area:
https://www.meetup.com/
MOPS: https://www.mops.org/groupsearch/
BabyCenter (an online support group and app)
When Someone You Love Has PPD
It can be difficult to see a loved one go through postpartum depression, or any other postpartum health disorder (including postpartum anxiety and postpartum psychosis), however, it is imperative to avoid personalizing their actions and behaviors. If your wife or friend, who just became a new mother, is experiencing postpartum mood shifts, here are few things you can do. Know that she may exhibit symptoms of irritability, withdrawal, and even rage. Be patient with her. Listen to her when she asks. Offer to allow her extra time to herself if she needs it. If your support does not seem like enough (and again, avoid taking this personally), help her reach out to a professional. Simply being there will mean the most to her.
Are you someone who has battled PPD? Tell us your story and how you sought help and support. We would love to hear from you.
