There’s no getting around it, challenges and mistakes are a part of the motherhood experience. From midnight colic and leaky diapers, to walking weapons of mass destruction (aka toddlers) and skinned appendages, to trampled feelings and endless teen angst, moms deal with a never-ending tsunami of issues. During it all, moms must reach down deep inside their battered souls for compassion and understanding. A sense of humor wouldn’t hurt either. Not only must we manage the moods and ravages of our own roller-coaster hormones, we must somehow juggle the craziness of everyone else living under our roof. We just have to endure and get through those tough times.
“If we are ‘out of our mind’ as some say, it is for God.” (2 Corinthians 5:13 NIV)
There are plenty of times when it feels like we’re just not cutting it. When parenting seems like a perpetual uphill battle, especially when we make awful mistakes. When we drop those do-it-all juggling balls and when we’re positive our kids will turn out to be serial killers.
We Are Made Ready
Thankfully, our Creator thought of everything. Did you know pregnancy actually alters a woman’s brain, changing the size and structure of areas involved in emotional attachment to their young? It’s a darn good thing too. A recent Nature Neuroscience study found that nurturing skills like perceiving the feelings and perspectives of others, are enhanced during pregnancy and continue for at least two years after giving birth. Wouldn’t it be awesome if this extra helping of grace and forbearance lasted throughout those turbulent teen years? But hey, let’s be grateful for any advantages we can get and do the best we can with them.
You’re Not Alone
I’ll never forget the day my teenage daughter told me she’d probably be in therapy for years due to my mothering. Ouch. Talk about a punch in the gut.
My response, you ask? “Well, it’s your job to be a better mother than you had. It was my job and my mother’s and her mother’s before her. Keep all the good stuff and improve on the bad. One day in the future, maybe one of our descendants will get it right.”
Some Heavenly Parenting Advice
Listen sister-mom, we don’t have to wallow in shame over our mothering mistakes. We all make ’em. Some hide them better than others, but trust me, we all fail at times. Just remember, it’s okay. Really, it is. Papa God created us as imperfect, stumbling, what-was-I-thinking humans, knowing we’d be raising offspring just as flawed as we are.
The good news is that our heavenly Father loves us to pieces anyway and wants us to look to Him as the only example of a perfect parent. The way He responds to us – His children – when we sin is the way we should respond to our own children when they blow it. As Psalms 103:8-10 states, “GOD is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, he’s rich in love. He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges forever. He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.” There’s so much parenting advice in this three verses. God continually demonstrates the parenting qualities we should strive to have ourselves.
He:
- Shows mercy
- Extends grace
- Is not easily angered
- Loves generously
- Won’t endlessly nag and scold
- Doesn’t hold grudges forever
- Deals out justice mercifully
- Will not exact revenge
Wow. Personally, I don’t think this checklist describes me on a good day, but I’d sure like it to pertain to me. I aspire to parent my children and grandchildren more like my heavenly Father parents me. That may mean breaking a few bad habits on my part, but if behavior is learned, it can be unlearned, right? It may take some practice and a whole lot of patience but we all have what it takes to be amazing parents.
The Light at the End
So, guess what? Ten years after my daughter’s dire pronouncement of my mothering deficiencies, she and her husband bought the house next door to us. Go figure. They now intentionally include me in every aspect of raising their three children. I rejoice that my maternal mistakes have somehow been smoothed over. Redemption is sweet! Despite your misgivings, your redemption will be too. No matter how badly you think you’re screwing up today. It’s called God’s grace.
Parenting can be one of the most stressful and fulfilling experiences of a person’s life. If you make a mistake, you have to keep reminding yourself that there is no standard handbook for being a mom and that no one has all the answers. So please don’t beat yourself up with the vicious lie that you’re the worst mother in the history of the world. You’re not. Nor was I, although I would’ve bet the farm on it many days. You can’t judge your worth by your current circumstances. Don’t allow yourself to fall into the emotional black hole of self-condemnation. Always remember, Papa God’s love for you is immeasurably bigger than your biggest blunders. He will bless your mess.
Psalm 25:15 “If I keep my eyes on GOD, I won’t trip over my own feet.”
Do you have any stories to share? Have you had times when you felt you messed up and everything worked out for the better? We would love to hear your comments!
