One of the most amazing things that can happen to a person is to be able to share their life with someone else. However, the act of finding that person can seem daunting to say the least, especially given the current events and state of the world. But, not to worry. God brings people into our lives when we least expect it and those people can impact us is unfathomable ways. There’s always the question, how do I know this person is right for me?
The Courtship
The whole purpose of courtship is so two people can get to know and understand one another and find out whether or not they are compatible. The difference between courting and dating is that the designated and communicated goal for both parties is marriage.
Additionally, a relationship with God is a vital part of the process during this period. To say it plainly, God is part of the couple’s relationship. To combine one’s life with another is one of the most intimate things two people can pursue and making sure their faiths are aligned is a huge part of that process.
During a courtship, a couple should:
- Take the time to learn about one another – The goal is to get past the superficial topics such as favorite type of movies, music or books. While knowing those bits of information has value, marriages are not built and sustained on them. A couple needs to focus on topics like what motivates each one to get up in the morning, religious beliefs and practices, career goals, morals and family values. This also includes figuring out what the issues your are not willing to compromise on. For example, if you want to have kids and they don’t, the chances the relationship will succeed are not very good.
- Learn the art of compromise- The idea of compromise seems to have gotten a bad rap. However, a relationship is about give and take. This can apply to things like career advancement for each person at different times, taking turns going back to school or advancing your degrees. It can be as simple as splitting holidays between each person’s respective families.
- Make God a priority – Spend time developing your faith as a couple. Pray together and read the Bible together. It may even be helpful to join a couple’s group at church to surround yourselves with other godly examples. Remember, God is the glue that holds marriages together.
How Long Should We Court?
It’s important to remember, there is no set amount of time a couple should get to know one another. The length of a courtship is far less important than finding out whether or not a couple is suited for marriage. We are complicated beings who often times do not fully understand ourselves. Taking time to discover who you are as a couple as well as an individual in that relationship can greatly increase the chances of a happy and healthy marriage. Ask yourself, “What is a year or two?”
Handling Conflict During the Courtship
One of the biggest misconceptions people who have never been in a longer relationship have is that once you find “the one,” the relationship will always be rainbows and sunshine. This is setting yourself up for failure. Like I stated before, people are complex and complicated beings. Part of that complexity is dealing with deep and powerful emotions. Everyone has disagreements. Everyone has a bad day or a stretch of time where things just aren’t going our way. No couple always sees a situation or an issue the same way. In short, we all have our own perceptions of the world and how we react to the events that take place are varied.
It’s vital to understand how normal it is if a conflict occurs between a couple. When a conflict arises, how it’s handled and the resolution of issue can speak volumes about the relationship. It can indicate whether or not the relationship can be long lasting or it can crash and burn. While emotions and tempers can run high during these incidents it’s important to remember:
- Always be respectful of one another.
- There are three sides to every disagreement – your side, his side and the truth.
- Turn to your mutual faith and to God for guidance to a resolution.
- Seek counsel. Couples counseling can help couples navigate issues that they can’t seem to resolve on their own.
It’s not always about right and wrong or trying to convince the other person to see a situation your way. It’s about finding the middle ground, if one exists, and respecting one another.
Courtship is your time to really figure out who not only your partner is, but who your are as well. The more you invest into what courtship is meant to do, the happier you will be for it.
