Recently there’s been an uptick of social media postings and pictures of mothers crying. Numerous images and videos of moms, faces flooded with tears are popping up on every media platform. Moms know the rawness and real feelings behind these images. They can also recall images of their own scenarios where these exact situations played out. Maybe you were standing in the kitchen cleaning peanut butter off of a butter-knife (for the 100th time), maybe you found clean clothes in the dirty hamper again, or maybe you just couldn’t handle being asked a question, every…ten…seconds…for an entire summer. Perhaps all of your emotional intelligence skipped right over sanity and went straight to psycho? It happens, it is normal, and to say it’s not would be a lie.
Life is difficult for everyone, but these days it seems that life has dealt women a bit more spice, in an already off-kilter world. Women live in a society where the norm is completely consuming your life with, and intermingling your existence based on your child’s. Women are ingrained to be completely involved in every aspect of their children’s education, what they learn, eat, watch, and do. There were two questions we kept coming back to:
- “Are parents too involved? Are we hindering our children from taking responsibility for how they get to “BE” in life,” and
- “Why and how did women become responsible for working full-time jobs AND taking care of a family full-time?”
It appears both questions were partially responsible for this outcry. Both were responsible for the toxic and unhealthy lifestyle women face these days, consumed by unmanageable work/life loads.
The Heavy Load
In Genesis, God creates another being for Adam, a wife, Eve. She is his partner, his companion, a blessing partnered so the two would work together. Eve wasn’t created to be a maid, the sole individual intended to do all of the child rearing and teaching. They were partners, Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” We are supposed to take care of each other. Somewhere along the line in fighting for equal rights, or at least the freedom to make our own choices, women became the mandated participant bringing in that second income, AND the responsible party for so much more. These loads are different for every mom, but they are heavy. Insurmountable to be exact.
Moms move kids to and from, sports, school, summer camps, and playdates. They plan the meal, purchase it, cook it, then do the dishes. They budget, pay bills, keep calendars, and then on top of all of that get to clean toilets, do laundry, etc. It is quite understandable how a woman with so much on her plate, and all of this unbalanced juggling can fall apart. Essentially, moms do not need a spouse needing significant help, they need a partner; one who said “for better or worse.”
To all the single moms doing this, alone, God advises in Numbers 11:1-17, “…They will share the burden of the people…so that you will not have to carry it alone.” This message grazes over our ears but listen to those words again. It does take a village to raise children. God created us to exist in communities, to show support and LOVE to one another. Use your village, your circle, your tribe. It can’t be easy doing it alone, but know that you are NOT alone.
Psalm 91:4: “He will cover you with his feathers and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield…”
A Bit of Sanity in the Chaos
First we need to acknowledge the magnitude of growth with technology. Our mother’s were resilient and strong, but we moms can navigate a schedule for work, home, church, and even bills, all from our phone. Essentially, women work longer hours than ever before. Mothers are bombarded with work emails long after operating hours. Phones never stop notifying us of texts, calls, and upcoming events. Mothers navigate and update spreadsheets while simultaneously making dinner. Society has consumed us with being “busy” outside the normal 9-5 job, our mothers once had. Daily motivation through Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook all sell us messages like:
“Don’t be busy. Just be Productive!” and also the infamous “Busy on the Mom Boss Hustle!“
The word “balance” is tossed around so often it’s almost comical. What is a balanced-life and how do I get some of that? Women are handling it all like a #boss, but how long can an individual survive in these high-stress atmospheres?
Fight or Flight Mom-Mode
Fight or Flight is a terminology used by physicians to explain how the nervous system structured itself to respond to situations “perceived as stressful or frightening.” Constant stress eventually leads to anxiety disorders, and physical issues within the body. In fact, stress affects seven body systems, ranging from muscular, respiratory, and the endocrine system. Muscles tense up during highly stressful events, and if continued over a period of time lead to chronic headaches, migraines, and shoulder/neck problems. Stress also affects the endocrine system including an “increase in the production of steroid hormones…called “stress hormones”” which keep cortisol levels skyrocketing.
Moms cannot live in this state for long periods of time, we may joke “I run on caffeine & chaos,” but maybe we’re exasperated from living in that type of frequency all day, every day. Being exhausted, and having zero ability to think clearly after running a stress-marathon for years has to end. But how? How do we really make a mental and physical change when we’re leading our family-tribe day in and day out?
Here are some helpful tips to help you find peace in the chaos.
1. Boundaries, Because it Makes a Difference…
Boundaries are vital in any relationship. A great reminder phrase is “you taught them how to treat you” and this can be true in any relationship, i.e., work, home, even with a spouse. When boundaries are set, it expresses what is acceptable to another person or entity (work). Boundaries are categorized by four main groups, “Physical, Moral, Emotional, Financial.” Here is an example from Med Circle on how to set appropriate and respected boundaries: (MedCircle Website, 2023):
- Figure out the exact problematic dynamics of the situation.
- Choose a time to discuss when both individuals can focus and communicate.
- Don’t use statements involving “you“, instead, choose “I” statements, such as “I feel ___ when this happens…” or “I need ____”.
- Make sure to follow through. If follow through does not occur, a cycle of repetitive behavior continues.
Setting boundaries is NOT easy, as with anything it takes practice. Clear and precise standards of what will or will not be tolerated can help in many different aspects of life, (including husbands who can’t seem to find the laundry hamper!) Joking aside, boundaries are essential to letting another individual learn what is tolerable. It is important to voice what and how these boundaries will be established. P.S. boundaries work with toddlers as well, even though that is an ongoing battle, in the long run the process works!
2. Eat Better, Grab Water
Yes, food matters. Consuming high calories and high fat, cannot support a body with the required nutrients needed to ease the mind or get rid of anxiety. One thing we moms love are quick but yet balanced dinner ideas. One mom’s great idea led to a 30-minute dinner list. She passed it around to all of her friends and they composed great tool, helping ease dinner schedules. As a side note, responsibility for planning, prepping, cooking, and clean-up shouldn’t fall on one person’s shoulders, there’s no reason the kids (and husband) shouldn’t help clean-up, doing the dishes, and clearing off the table. To get your quick dinner list started, here are some easy 30-minute or less meals:
- Copycat Chipotle bowls
- Luscious crockpot Chicken Pot Pie Soup
- Crockpot Spaghetti
Hydration is also an absolute must. Water intake “regulates body temperature, prevents infections, and delivers nutrients to cells,…” H2o is also known to help improve the quality of sleep, and our cognitive processing (Harvard School of Public Health, 2023). Other ways to get a healthy and sane mind is through a healthy gut. Resources and studies are showing links between the mind and a body’s gut health, and how it affects brain function, behavior and our mood (Real Simple, 2023). Try taking a good probiotic (healthy gut immune system) and/or prebiotic (balance of beneficial gut bacteria), and always remember to consult your doctor before taking any supplement.
3. Vitamins Please
According to the National Library of Medicine (NIH.gov), stress secretes adrenaline and cortisol into our body. These supplements listed below are beneficial when stress and anxiety play a significant role in daily life:
- Ashwagandha: (this should not be taken with diabetic medicines)
- Relieves stress and anxiety.
- Lowers blood sugar and fat.
- Sharpens memory and focus.
- Supports heart health.
- Magnesium:
- Improves muscle and nerve function.
- Blood pressure regulation.
- Contributes to support of calcium and potassium in cell membranes.
- Vitamin C:
- Mimics a response against inflammation, dropping cortisol levels.
- Pushes vitamin C nutrients back to the liver and adrenal glands (a good thing!)- Humans cannot develop vitamin C on their own.
- Supports immune function (vital!) and collagen production.
Current medical hypothesis indicates taking vitamins before bed aids in mineral release into muscles, calming the nervous system, and improves sleep quality. For example, research shows taking magnesium before bed helps regulate neurotransmitters in the brain. Essentially, this means neurons are sending messages to specific parts of the body, working to heal and repair.
4. Trust God with Your Children
Supportive parents help, guide, and communicate clearly with their children but we can be supportive while also allowing our children to learn from mess ups and have some independence. Give your kids space to make mistakes. Be there to pick them up, and give them the tools to try again. But more importantly, trust God with your children. He is the only one who can save them. Trust your children in His capable hands.
Here are some wonderful tips to teaching your child to live a life of character and independence:
- Encourage daily prayer, a relationship with God is the best and healthiest type of relationship!
- Give your child responsibilities.
- Teach your child about being accountable (for their actions and words).
- Teach your kids how to take care of themselves:
- How to clean a bathroom.
- Grocery shopping. Teach toddlers about fruit and veggies when shopping & teach teenagers about budgeting and comparison shopping.
- How to iron clothes.
- How to work an online bank account app (for older children).
- Depositing checks.
- Balancing an account.
5. Take a Deep Breath & Pray it Out
We know life is an abundant amount of work. There’s nothing easy about every day obstacles, and navigating the world riddled with chaos. Mothers do carry a burdensome load, it’s filled with stress and not sustainable. Long-term stress depletes the body of nutrients, and clouds our mind from being able to focus. Setting clear boundaries, with everyone in your life, including work and even the family is OK! Take time to teach yourself about healthy ways to manage a chaotic life with a nutritionist, or even a therapist, it DOES help! Let those kiddos live, so you can live as well. But most of all, never forget how much you matter to our Father in Heaven.
Isaiah 66:13 “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you…”
Let us know how you manage to keep it all together. What useful tips you found work for your family? Do you set boundaries between work and personal life? If so, how? We’d love to hear all of the advice our mom-friends have. You never know how much your idea could really save the sanity of another mom <3
