Screaming. Crying. Kicking. Another day, another tantrum. How can I calmly handle my child’s emotions? This was the question I was asking myself once my son began having big feelings over small inconveniences.
To us, as parents, the issue causing the emotional outburst doesn’t always appear to be that big of a deal. But to our little ones, it feels like nothing else in the entire world matters, aside from getting what they want in that moment. I had to realize this before moving forward in my parenting strategy and I knew that I wanted to use the gentle-parenting approach.
Gentle parenting has become a popular parenting style more so over the past decade. It’s mostly about respecting and validating your child’s feelings and emotions. It has been proven to be effective because you lay down firm boundaries and realistic expectations to teach, rather than to always punish. The child still has consequences for negative behavior, but it involves trying to work together to resolve an issue, instead of being against one another.
Forget the Semantics
There are dozens of parenting styles from gentle parenting to conscious parenting, a Google search might leave you overwhelmed with similar theories created by child psychologists. Don’t get lost in the sauce! The basic foundation of most modern parenting styles is to be mindful and considerate.
While many of us were raised with a “do as I say, not as I do” and a “do what I say because I said so” approaches, it can be a total shift in perspective to approach parenting in a gentler way. Be patient with yourself as you aim to be effective in your relationship with your child(ren).
Putting Yourself in Their Shoes
Imagine that you, as an adult, are sitting on the couch binging your favorite TV show that JUST released its second season. You have your little snack and a tasty drink by your side; with no plan to move for a couple of hours. Then, out of nowhere, another adult walks in, turns off the TV screen, and says, “Time for bed.” If that were me, I would definitely not be going silently!
There better be a good explanation as to why they disregarded my plans completely. So, why would a child react in a calm manner when the equivalent is done to them by a parent at bed time?
Thinking like this, really placed the tantrums and emotional interactions in a different light for me. Instead of walking up and shutting off the TV without warning, it’s more respectful to tell the person (child or adult), “I know this is so much fun, but it’s time for bed. So, I need you to please turn off the TV and start getting ready.”
This approach has proven to be successful in my household. My son feels more empowered because he is the one turning off the TV and deciding that he is done with the show. I believe that giving our children the same respect that we would an adult, is very effective and allows them to feel better understood.
Almost every time that I take this approach, he calms down immediately. I always follow these interactions with a big ole bear hug. Sometimes it’s just nice when you’re feeling deflated to have a loved one hug you.
Biblical Examples
There are plenty of scriptures on gentleness. We are called to develop in this area, not just in our parenting, but in our lives overall. We want to speak with gentleness and handle those with interact with in a kind way. Here are some scriptures on gentleness:
- A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1
- But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. – Galatians 5: 22
- Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. – Proverbs 16:24
Our children have feelings just like we do…they also crave to feel seen, heard, and loved. Let’s give them the respect they deserve and try our best to handle their big little feelings with love, compassion, and gentle-parenting techniques.
