Go Get It! How I got my Doctorate as a Single Mom

August 2, 2019, I became a doctor. A doctor in Human Resources to be more specific. According to the US Census, only 4.5% of the US population possess a doctoral degree and I am one of them. One of the most common questions I am asked is, “How in the world did you do it?”  I can tell you, it wasn’t easy. However, I will tell you, it is possible.

My ex-husband and I separated when I was pregnant with my youngest daughter. I wish I could tell you about the moments of strength and freedom that came from the separation. However, in all honesty, I was sad, unsure, frightened and felt as though my life was going to have to be placed on hold. Throughout it all, I constantly recalled the verse“I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).”  I know. I know. I too have felt that scripture is sometimes cliché, but it was truly the reminder that got me through. In addition to having faith that I could do all things through Him, I also put some very practical steps into place to accomplish my dream.

There is no time like the present

When I started my degree program, my youngest daughter had just turned three .I knew that as my girls got older, their demands would be more intense. I also knew that time would pass me by regardless. I knew my time was now because there is no time like the present to go after your dreams. Think about all the things you wanted to achieve; had you started a few years ago, you could be finished by now.

“Do not put off until tomorrow what you can do today” – Benjamin Franklin.

Get rid of the time wasters

A lot of my writing occurred early in the morning, while my girls were asleep, and after they were in bed. I also wrote while sitting at cheerleading and soccer practice. I stopped strolling through Facebook and turned the television off. I used every single free moment to pick up a book related to my studies or to write. I even changed the autoreply message on my iPhone to say “I can’t talk right now. I’m working on my dissertation.”Every minute was precious. By focusing on my goals, I was able to not only finish my program, but I did so earlier than scheduled. Eliminate the time wasters and go get it-whatever your it is!

Balance the time with your children

Pursuing a doctoral degree meant that I had less free time to spend with my daughters. Because of that, I made sure the time we did spend together was quality time. I talked to my daughters often about what mommy was trying to accomplish and why. When I did have to work on something and needed time, I assured them as soon as I was done, we would do something fun. Do not focus on mom guilt. Balance the time. Your goals include a better life for your children. When I finally defended my research, my daughters celebrated harder than I did. They are extremely proud of me. From that day to the present, they refer to me as Dr. Mommy!

Accept that it’s hard

There were times where I wanted to quit. I had times of struggle.  I pulled away from social gatherings and spent a lot of time alone. I hit periods of being unmotivated and wondered if I had bit off more than I could chew. Then I remembered, I’m a single mom! I have determination, grit and have survived many years of minimal sleep. I also had an amazing tribe of friends, who helped me manage my girls and gave me needed breaks. Accept that what you are going after may be hard. But also accept that if it was easy, everyone would do it.

“Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid” (Deuteronomy 31:6). Commit to your dream. Even if you think it is crazy and you have no clue how you will get it done. Be patient with yourself. Take breaks as you need to. And when it is all said and done, I promise, the reward will have been worth the work. Go get it!