How Does She Do It? Life as a Single Working Mom

Conference calls. PTA meetings. Work trips. Soccer practice. Project deadlines. Orthodontist. Meetings past five. The list goes on. How does any mom manage it all, especially a single mom?  Being a single mom means that you are wrought with emotional challenges leaving you to feel overwhelmed.  Some of the anxieties you face as a single mom in the workplace only add to concerns about money, your abilities as a mom, your well-being, and of course, your children.

The primary role of caring for a child, in our society, typically falls on the mother. In a household where the mother is the only parent, this becomes an even bigger task. Women in the workplace must navigate through the demands of their job in addition to the needs of their children. The single mother, oftentimes, lacks the support that a spouse provides, such as helping with the simple things like school pickup, sick days, and school vacations and closures.  When the mother is the only parent in the home, there is an associated work guilt when she does not have the ability to stay late, arrive early, or take on additional tasks for an important work project.

Working mothers are faced with balancing it all.

After more than 20 years as a Human Resource Manager, one of the most common questions people ask me is “How do I manage a career as a single mom?”  My answer – “With grit, determination, and the grace of God”.

There’s Hope

It sounds so dismal, right? I promise, it does not have to be gloomy. As a single mother, working in an executive level position, there are several pieces of advice I would offer any single mother trying to balance work life with her life as a mother.

1. Create a Tribe

Emergencies happen.  Last minute pickups are needed. Babysitting for a business dinner is sometimes necessary. I have a tribe of women who I can count on with or without advance notice. Be open minded to meeting and creating relationships with other moms in your neighborhood, at your child’s school, at cheerleading and soccer practice, and even at your place of employment. Other moms know the struggle.

2. Be a Tribe Member

Sleepovers and hourly babysitting are common at my house. I am the Queen of sleepovers for single moms and married moms as well.  I have helped when other moms need a break, want some alone time, or if they want to schedule a date night. In order to gain the support when you need it, you have to be willing to be a tribe for others.

3. Be Honest when Interviewing

The job interview is a two-part conversation. Not only is the business determining if you are a good fit for them, but you are doing the same.  If extensive travel is required, and as a single mom you do not have the support to make that happen, trust in God that the role is not right for you.If you have doubts, you have nothing to lose by questioning the job requirements and putting it on the table from the beginning. I was very clear with my current employer that travel would not be a problem. I told them I needed the ability to make arrangements for my children before jet setting. I asked, upfront, if the time needed do this would be a problem and was assured that it was not.  And guess what? It hasn’t been.

4. Eliminate the Guilt

As a single mother, you are different. You are not bad or inadequate.  You just have a home life that requires you to respond differently than your married or child-free coworkers.  You may not be able to work the long hours or appear at after work socials like your colleagues.  Make no apologies for that and forgive yourself for times when you have to balance both.

5. Take your Essential Me-Time

It takes a brave girl to admit she is tired. Know that it is okay to need “me time.” Take time every day to simply decompress. Move away from it all, even if it’s only ten minutes, that’s ten minutes well spent. Don’t clean or login to your work computer or start that DIY project you have been meaning to do.  Use this time to do something mindless to get reinvigorated. Maybe even consider taking a “me day” two or three times a year. It’ll make you a better mommy and a better employee when you take care of you.

6. Be the Cream that Rises to the Top

Work to be the best at what you do. Every opportunity you have at work to shine and show off your talents, take it. There will be times when you have to leave for a sick child or you need to miss work for the school play. Don’t they know we are working during the day? And, on top of that, your child is too afraid to sing. For the times where there are no issues or last minute appointments, shine.  Volunteer for the project no one wants. Never walk into work without a smile. Be the personality that is missed when you are not around. My employers have been a lot more open to my needs because of the work I deliver.

Remember, “Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established” (Proverbs 16:3).

So, how does she do it?  With grit, determination, and the grace of God.

How do you balance work and home life as a single mom? We would love to hear your stories.