One of the most difficult experiences a woman faces as a mother is mom-guilt. This guilt rises from self-judging thoughts about our ability to raise our children. These judging-opinions range on subjects such as breastfeeding or formula, how clean the house is, leaving young one’s to work vs. staying home, and so on. Many times influences from the outside world cause these judgemental thoughts to creep up into our mind. Mother’s feel these berating emotions surface when we compare our own lives to other women’s, either in real life or through social media. Other times the guilt festers when we know there’s just not enough time to hand-craft those school projects or pack organic lunches everyday. Maybe the stress of being “perfect” overwhelms you, as you’re juggling this thing we call life. Most mothers have been in similar shoes, and have passed down some inspirational words of guidance.
Call those “Veteran-Moms”
Many times people only associate mom-guilt with very controversial subjects (i.e. co-sleeping, discipline choices, work or stay home, etc.), but this isn’t always the case. This self-punching sense of regret can also come during inconvenient times, like learning at the last minute while sitting in the carpool lane that your child didn’t finish their homework. The conversation after explodes into, “HOW could you possibly not finish this assignment when you knew it was due!” or maybe something such as… “HOW in the world did you have time to play X-Box but not finish your homework?” Sometimes the conversations get heated, I mean, you’ve told this child 799 times to get that paper written, what in the world were they doing the whole time they were on the computer? The child leaves the car in a horrible mood, you feel gut-wrenching guilt bubbling up to the surface as you drive away. The only thing you think about is your child starting their day in a miserable mood. Ugh… here come the feelings of guilt. “Should I have hoovered to make sure the homework was done or let him be accountable for his actions?”
This is a good example of when to call a “veteran-mom”, one that perhaps has children a tad bit older. These lifelines have loads of experience! They’ve been there, they’ve encountered the same conversations, experiences, and emotions. These friends are so good at talking you off the ledge, giving advice, and consoling a broken heart. The needed guidance of this child-rearing warrior is similar to a passage found in Psalms 34:18, “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Amazing things can transpire with the guidance of loving-mothers who have come before us. They guide, teach, mend, and spread loving energy to lift us up in times of need.
The Dreaded Working from Home vs Stay-at-Home Topic
The way the world works these days, some families absolutely, cannot afford one parent staying home. Maybe, pushing the finances to stay at home would potentially endanger a family’s situation. Perhaps being out of the field for an extended period of time, would also be considered “career suicide” if you wanted to return to work in the future. Or, maybe it is your desire to stay home with your babies (which we must recognize is a full-time job in itself with zero pay and long hours). Women struggle with this topic from the moment they find out they are pregnant to the moment we either go back to work or stay home. Guess what? Raising your child the way you choose is absolutely nobody’s business but yours.
While it may take a two person working household to pay the finances, there are thousands, yes thousands of blogs, vlogs, Pinterest articles, and online searches dedicated to helping moms stay home (SAHM) (check out Your Modern Family for SAHM tips). There are also just as many websites, Instagram Posts and online information helping mom’s get back to work (check out ideas Mom365 posts for clever tips). Whatever you decide for your family is 100% your business, and there should never be any guilt or shame associated with making tough and responsible adult decisions!
Why Would God Create Diversity if we Were all Meant to be the Same?
Mom-guilt is really a shame and blame game. There was a time when magazines and billboards were the source of our comparing our lives to others, now there all kinds of social media feeds, letting us know how perfect other mom’s are, and how we are lacking in all areas. These images of false perfection seep into our mind and spirit. The guilt starts to rise again. The questions permeate like a whirlwind,
“Why can’t I get moving in the afternoon to clean my house after work?” “Am I failing my child because we had chicken nuggets and tater tots three nights in a row?”
Then we judge ourselves some more, about our appearance, weight, house, hair, clothes…it never ends.
What if we realized that each one of our beautiful souls was specifically designed and hand chosen by God himself? Mathew 22:39 says “you shall love your neighbor as you love yourself.” Therefore, how can you truly love your neighbor if there are things that you do not love about yourself? The dishes sitting in the sink, the way your breast-milk never came in, your baby isn’t latching on to your breast, or disciplining children. All of these things do not define who you are and what is in your heart. If we were all meant to be the same cookie-cutter shaped and like-minded individuals, we would not have cultures full of color and different types of women with so much knowledge and love to give. These treasures would not exist in our world as we know them today!
In the end, mom-guilt is our correlation of what society pushes upon us to be more, and have more. That simply, is not what mothers or people in general were intended for. Our children already think we are the most amazing women in the world. We are their own personal super-hero’s. Remember, if mom-guilt is clouding your judgement, call a friend and get the negative feelings out verbally, so you can move-on. Whatever “type” of mom you are, push negative self-talk and guilt away. Take a moment to realize what a truly inspiring mother you are. You only get this one opportunity to be a mother, and there are no re-do’s, so stop comparing, and judging yourself. You are perfect just the way you are!
