I know there are Christmas people out there who live all year for this stuff and truly enjoy transforming their home every year and consider yourself blessed if you have time for this. I am speaking out on behalf of the working moms and the stressed out single moms just trying to hold it together. How do you survive the holidays and keep your sanity?
As a divorced mom, Christmas has lost its luster and is a tough holiday to trudge through. My kids will never have the Christmas traditions I had because of the trauma our family experienced. I am in no way an expert and in all honesty, watching the Christmas displays go up quadruples my anxiety levels, but I want to share how simplifying the holidays has helped me both emotionally and financially.
1. Accept that your kids’ experience cannot possibly be like your own. When I accepted that I had the opportunity to write my story and create my own traditions some of that self-imposed pressure went away.
2. Just because it is possible to do everything, doesn’t mean you should. Choose one big activity and do it year after year. This may take you a few years to find the right one, but when you find it, keep it. Some people see the Nutcracker, some people go to light displays, some places have a Christmas parade. Choose your thing.
3. Drop the holiday cards. At last count I got 5 holiday cards last year. It wasn’t worth taking the photos and printing the special cards to send to people I either see on a regular basis or who see my children through social media. It’s something I just don’t have time for. I didn’t miss it and no one complained.
4. Draw names for gifts or give family gifts such as a zoo membership. Frankly, I don’t need more stuff, so I appreciate memberships and magazine subscriptions for my kids. Having to buy one gift takes off so much pressure. We draw names around Labor Day to give everyone an opportunity to grab gifts on sale.
5. Adopt a “Jesus Christmas” or “Three gifts Christmas”. As a way to make Christmas about the birth of Christ, I adopted a three gift Christmas. Something they want, something they need, something to read. Since Jesus was presented with three gifts, should your child get more? Some people do four gifts, adding something to wear to the list. It has been the biggest budget and stress reliever move I’ve made over the holidays.
6. Christmas doesn’t have to have a turkey dinner. We’ve scaled Christmas dinner back to soup night. My kids’ favorite meals are soups, so I make a couple of soups and they stay in the crock pot. We have them Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Also plan ahead for Christmas morning and make ahead a French toast casserole or other dish you can just heat up in the oven while kids open gifts.
7. To tree or not to tree? Someone keeps knocking over my Christmas tree, smashing my collectible ornaments. I am not doing a large tree this year. I will hang stockings, I will put lights on the porch, and I will find the smallest pre-lit Christmas tree and put it in the window and that’s that. Take a cue from Charlie Brown, it’s the thought that counts.
8. Take a holiday from social media. For someone in my situation it’s so very painful to see intact, happy families, and for others, posts ooze perfection you can’t possibly achieve. Know it’s all not real and choose not to participate in the show. Focus on religious celebrations if you celebrate and in creating memories for your kids. No one else needs know and it’s not a competition.
9. The greatest gift you can give is your time. My girls don’t remember much of the early Christmases where I was in a stressed out tizzy. They still talk about watching Christmas with the Kranks, Rudolph and Frosty while the dog caught popcorn mid-air. They’ve begged to do that again.
10. Rest. If you only get two-week’s vacation and Christmas is one of them, make sure you rest. Vacation is for rest. It’s not for unrealistic expectations or self-imposed obligations. Take time to rest. It’s your home, it’s your choice and sorry if you disappoint others, take time to rest and enjoy your kids while they want to watch Rudolph and throw popcorn to the dog.
Don’t stress over the stuff. Remember what this Holiday season is about. Besides, your children will remember our presence more than they will your presents.
